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Facing rejection, notably when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is declining your work, giving a definite “Nope.” Being an author, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced proposing story ideas 50 years back, just after college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and countless pieces. During the recent 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the rejections have only increased. On average, I face a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to more than 100 annually. In total, rejections over my career number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying outburst? Absolutely not. As, now, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: By this stage, nearly every person and others has rejected me. I haven’t kept score my success rate—it would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, a publication nixed 20 submissions one after another before accepting one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 literary agents passed on a project. One editor requested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the mistake? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably accompanied by optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued over many years.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Accounts of creators whose manuscripts was originally turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. Most Presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in elections. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and attempt to star were rejected repeatedly. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and persevere, not backing down,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my later years, I entered the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I grasp the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a comparable article, or be planning one in the pipeline, or just be considering something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the reader believes I lack the credentials or standing to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am peddling. Or was busy and read my submission hastily to appreciate its abundant merits.

You can call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are within it. Honestly, my proposals may occasionally be flawed. They may not resonate and resonance, or the point I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, especially semicolons, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a memoir, at retirement age—and in excess of numerous essays. These works have appeared in publications large and small, in local, national and global outlets. An early piece appeared decades ago—and I have now submitted to various outlets for five decades.

Still, no bestsellers, no signings at major stores, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest achievements have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Setback can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what teachings have I gained?

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